10 Online Dating Red Flags

It’s no secret that my husband and I met through an online dating service. As introverts who worked all or part-time remotely, both with a clear sense of what we were looking for in a relationship, it gave us the opportunity to read each other’s profiles and get a sense of each other’s values, goals, and interests before meeting — something you can’t do if you meet someone in a more traditional setting.

Fast forward to today, and I am a relationship coach who helps single people navigate online dating. Often the people I speak with will meet someone online, go out for a while, and realize this person was not at all what they expected and the relationship unraveled quickly thereafter. I wondered if there was a way I could help them spot some red flags from the very beginning, just from someone’s profile.

Since I’d been out of the game for a long time and wanted to support my clients, I did my own ‘market research.’ I let my husband know my plans up front to ensure he knew I wasn’t on the lookout for his replacement!

In my research, I looked at the dating profiles of men and woman from all over the country. To my surprise, there were ten distinct red flags that I encountered repeatedly. I talk more about it in this video…

But here’s the abridged version…

10 Dating Red Flags

1. Lying on their profile. 53–56% of people admit to lying on their dating profile, and 86% confess to minor embellishments about details such as age, income and interests. Ironically, ‘honesty’ remains one of the top traits a person wants in a partner.

2. Negativity. It set the wrong tone for me when I would read, “no drama queens,” “no drugs,” or “I’m not sure why I’m even here. I don’t know that there are any good men/women left in the world.” I don’t know about you, but when I go on a date, I would expect a lack of drama. I wouldn’t automatically expect my date to have an addiction, and I would assume people are nice — they just may or may not be the right fit.

3. Lack of effort. If someone is overly vague with an incomplete profile, has excessive typos in their profile, and can’t be bothered to post a decent photo of themselves (e.g. versus a selfie in the bathroom mirror), then I’m going to assume this same level of effort on a date.

4. Overly glam. I’ve talked to many people who complain someone is only interested in them for their looks or money. These are the same people who post seductive photos in a bathing suit or pictures of their yacht and sports car. If you want people to look at you and not the bling, I would tone down the images. In short, we don’t need to see a ripped picture of you at the gym and another of you on your Ducati…Cut it out!

5. A whole lot about nothing. Beware of the profile that tries to meet everyone’s needs and check all the boxes. You don’t have to claim to love long walks on the beach and snuggling by a campfire, while equally loving hanging out a rib fest or sporting match, and being open to every interest on the planet. Beware of the profile that leaves you not knowing anything for certain about the person.

6. All religion and/or politics. Yes, I get that many people look for partners with the same religious values and political views. However, if you start off saying what a peaceful person you are, and then go on a violent tirade about the state of government, then you’re not looking for a relationship. You’re looking for a ‘bitch buddy.’

7. Criticizing people and the dating experience. If the way to stand out is by complaining about the competition and condemning the entire experience, then I might assume you are a negative and judgmental person…and yes, I recognize that I’m guilty of being critical here.

8. Stereotyping. This hearkens back to my dating years where most dates were met with some comment about ‘women and their love of shoes’ and ‘careful not to break a fingernail!’ (This was odd to me because I wear comfortable flats and keep my nails cut short — it’s far easier to type this way.) Try not to pigeon hole someone based on gender, and other, stereotypes.

9. Their ENTIRE happiness is based on finding the ONE. I understand people are lonely and want companionship. However, if someone’s entire existence is hinging on the fact that YOU will save them and make them happy…run.

10. Too quick to want to meet. I understand that the vetting process can be tedious, but if someone can’t be bothered to communicate online for a bit until you are comfortable with a phone call or a meetup, I would be concerned that they may be manipulative, controlling and someone who will not respect your boundaries. I would also be extra careful for security reasons.

Once again, I expand on this topic here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm9mT7WrpVE&t=4s

Do you have a tip to add? Please share in the comments below.

Find out more about me and my work: DaniellePalli.com