Desire, Intentions and Magical Thinking

Five Steps Toward Actually Getting What You Want

Desire, intentions, and magical thinking … I know what you’re thinking right now. “What the heck is she talking about?” But bear with me because it’s a big topic. Often, we talk about the benefits of positive thinking and optimism. And in fact, optimistic people live longer. They have better immune systems. They tend to have better relationships and are just happier overall.

SETTING AN INTENTION OR GOAL

Sometimes, when people want to invite more positivity or positive aspects into their life, they’ll set an intention or use an affirmation or a mantra or a prayer. And these are good tools. The problem becomes when someone sets the intention and doesn’t get what they want, or maybe it’s not the way they wanted it. Then they simply repeat that mantra over and over again, and get really focused and really frustrated if it doesn’t happen. To move beyond that magical thinking (“If I say these words, repeatedly, I will get what I want.”), there needs to be a few more components added to the process.

TAKING ACTION

The second component is action. Whatever it is you’re looking for, perhaps it’s changing careers and thinking, “I’d really like to be in this line of work,” or finding that perfect relationship or becoming a worldwide bestseller and having your books translated into 15 languages (That last one was mine), there needs to be some action attached to it.

Therefore, if it’s a job, you’re not simply saying, “Oh, I’d really like to get into that line of work.” It’s talking to people in that career field. It’s finding out if you need to go back to school for more education. It might include updating your resume so that your skillset clearly points to the job in which you are applying. In other words, there are components that you need to put into motion to accompany your goal or intention.

DESIRE AND PRACTICING NON-ATTACHMENT

And then there’s another piece … In Buddhism, they talk about the hindrance of desire. And it’s not saying that desire or wanting something is a bad thing. It’s what happens when you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want in such abundance that it’s no longer valuable. It no longer brings you happiness. And you find yourself saying, “Yeah, that’s nice. What’s next?” So it’s not the wanting causing unhappiness. It’s how you feel in response to what you want.

Therefore, another component to add on would be non-attachment to the result. You set your intention, take your actions, and then see what comes back, and you’re not attached to it.

When you’re bound to an outcome, you risk limiting the possibility of what could happen … maybe something bigger and better than you imagined is on the horizon.

DEVELOPING AWARENESS

These steps can also help you develop awareness. For example, perhaps you realize, “I took these steps. These are the results.” If they are not in alignment with what you were going after, you now have the opportunity to go back, look at the intention and make subtle changes. You can revisit your action steps and make subtle changes there as well … and see what happens. When you’re not attached to the result, it really can give you a greater sense of peace.

TODAY’S ACTION ITEMS

Today’s action item is kind of a big (and multifaceted)one! 1) Think of a goal. 2) Write an intention around that goal, and 3) jot down a few action steps you might take. 4) Put those actions into motion. 5) Try not to get too attached to the outcome.

Thanks for spending this time with me today. Until next time, take care of yourself.

CLICK HERE to learn more about my work as a Board-Certified Positive Psychology & Mindfulness Coach and Writing Coach.