If You’re a 30-Something-Year-Old Woman and are “Still” Single, I’m Here to Tell You There is Nothing “Wrong” with You.

I didn’t get married until I was 38-years-old. And the irony is, at age 37, I had come to accept that maybe I wouldn’t find the right man for me. Perhaps I would be single for the rest of my life. Once I’d come to accept this possibility, everything changed. Instead of renting with the idea that I’d buy my dream home once my dream prince came along, I started planning. I asked myself, “How can I reach my highest potential in my career so I can afford to buy myself the home I want on a single income?” (Not even getting into the wage gap here.) I began taking stock of my life and deciding where I wanted to travel, regardless of whether or not I had a companion, and prioritizing my tribe — the key friends and family in my life.

Even my dating life changed. In my younger years, I always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, often making excuses for my then boyfriend’s bad behavior, subjecting myself to every manner of relationship, from the verbally abusive to the controlling to the passionate highs and lows, to the downright boring. My older self, however, learned to cut through the bullshit with a fine-edged sword. Consequently, I dated less. I dated purposefully, and few made it past the starting line. If I couldn’t see the potentiality of a life with them, then I preferred to go it alone.